Hong Kong Dating

What is it with Hong Kong???

Hong Kong is an awesome city to be single — when you want to be single. But when you’re done with being single, Hong Kong can be tough. Have you ever seen a city with so many people yet so few meaningful romantic connections?

There are three main Hong Kong such a difficult place to find love…

  1. Hong Kong is always on fast-forward — too many evening conference calls, early-morning gym sessions, networking events, happy hours, working lunches (and a few champagne brunches) and let’s not even talk about how much time you spend at HKIA and on flights (BTW, did you know Hongkongers make the most international trips per year? The average Hongkonger makes 11 international trips per year with Luxembourg ranking second with 2.56). You can’t get to know a potential Significant Other on a meaningful level if you’re run ragged because you won’t have the opportunity nor state of mind to chill out, slow down, and just hang. 
  2. Everyone in Hong Kong is ambitious to a fault. We’re so focused on what we can achieve, have and be that we’re not satisfied with who we are right here right now. So this means we delay and delay settling down until we’ve achieved the next milestone…and then the next…and then the next…; and
  3. With that ambition comes expectations. Hong Kong is all about the PBO (pending better offer). Always aiming for an upgrade (or at least reaching out for something novel). When you do that it becomes difficult to accept that what you have right here and now is actually pretty darn good and should be nurtured because it has the potential to grow into something beautiful. Everywhere in the world, including Hong Kong, there is a misconception that you need the perfect match for the perfect relationship. First thing, there is no perfect match and the ideal perfect relationship is a figment of your imagination. Secondly, they don’t call it chemistry for nothing. It’s the combination of two imperfect people who become more than the sum of their parts that makes a beautiful (albeit imperfect relationship). And chemistry isn’t even the end all be all…it’s sharing similar core values and the effort, time, and presence you nourish it with. The behavioural economist, Dan Ariely, has a great video on the subject.

But never fear. These challenges can be overcome — as long as you make a conscious effort. 

Meeting People in Hong Kong

There are three ways to meet people in Hong Kong:

  1. In person (through hobbies, work, socializing or singles events);
  2. Through a matchmaker; or
  3. Using dating apps.

Each method has its strengths and weaknesses but the best way to meet people in Hong Kong is to meet them offline and in person.

Meeting IRL

Meeting through work and/or through friends is definitely the best way because when you meet in person, without any context or forewarning (and therefore no expectations or assumptions), you will take the person in all their glory. 

And, the beauty about meeting people IRL is that you won’t get judged so severely on your looks. I go to great lengths getting potential matches to focus less on looks but it is hella hard. We are visual creatures and I can’t fault anyone for that.

But where to meet? A lot of people will tell you to go where you enjoy yourself. That is a bad idea.

If you are a woman who wants to meet a man and you enjoy taking flamenco and baking classes, hanging out at the spa, and going for afternoon tea – guess what? – you’re going to be SOL because men rarely do those types of things. You are also SOL if you’re a straight man who wants to meet a woman but don’t have social hobbies that are also frequented by women. You need to go where the people you want to date hang out.

 

Matchmaker, matchmaker….

Meeting potential Significant Others through a matchmaker has major benefits, the major-est being that I’ll do all the hard work for you so all you need to do is show up to the date. However, before any matchmaking happens, we’ll do some work together in the form of exercises that uncover what it is you really want out of a Significant Other, what you value, and how your past affects who you’re looking for. (In case you would like to uncover what you really want but don’t have the financial resources to hire a matchmaker, you can still do the exercises on your own. Go here to download the exercises for free.)

If you’re going online…don’t forget to go offline

There is almost no limit to the online options. Lucky for you, they’re free to download and most are free to use. But on the other hand they can suck up a lot of your time. You have to be strategic if you want to win at online dating. The most important thing to remember is that online dating isn’t an end in and of itself. It’s a means to an end and that end is meeting in real life so don’t forget to get off the apps and meet in person.

To maximize your time online, make sure to read my guide on how to take the best online dating profile photos. This is important stuff that cannot be overlooked. Looks matter in life and when it comes to online dating, you can multiply that 1,000. If you don’t hook them with your very first profile photo you aren’t going to get right swipes or online conversations — this is especially important for the women because men rarely read our bio (which isn’t to say we shouldn’t be putting effort into the bio).

If you want a second opinion you can send me a batch of pics and I’ll tell you what’s good and what’s not. But if they don’t follow the suggestions outlined in the linked-to blog post, expect a negative review. Sorry 🙁

Going out on Dates in Hong Kong

A lot of Hong Kong’s social scene revolves around drinking. This is fine if you like to drink but not the best if you don’t. Let me hook you up with some non-dinner and non-alcoholic options. (If you do want dinner options check out these ideas and for some alcoholic options, go here.)

Back to the Drawing Board

Sometimes it might feel that dating in Hong Kong is plain useless. But don’t distress. You can beat the odds and not only meet many people who meet your criteria but can get them to fall for and commit to you. 

Hong Kong is especially hard for women but it’s not a wasteland. You can overcome the challenges as long as you take (and keep) control of your love life.

Too many women (in Hong Kong and elsewhere) are passive with their love lives and let the men take the lead role. If your love life is important, you should be the one taking the lead role. Don’t let time pass you by, don’t let your work be you’re #1 priority,  and don’t let Hong Kong make you feel like a commodity There are lots of great men in Hong Kong hiding in plain sight and who want real relationships (and not situationships). 

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