Advice from a Matchmaker: What it means to be a High-Value Woman and how to Communicate it
About two years ago I wrote a blog post about the commoditization of women in Hong Kong where I encouraged women to take more ownership of their love life.
Being High Value
At that time I didn’t realize there was a term for what I wanted Hong Kong’s women to be – but I do now: It’s called high value (not to be confused with high-net worth although you can definitely be both).
The world’s most famous dating guru for women, Matthew Hussey has a great list of high-value traits, which I’m sharing (verbatim) below:
- A strong sense of purpose and direction in life
- Independence and interests/pursuits that give her fulfillment
- A commitment to growth and ability to improve
- Looking after her health and treating her body with respect
- Strong standards for how she should be treated that she sticks to
- A feeling of self-worth and internal validation
- Sexual confidence and ability to be adventurous in bed
- Ability to turn him on emotionally and sexually
- Absence of neediness
- Willingness to love him for who he is and encourage him
- A lifestyle that she loves living and good relationships with people around her
- Absence of drama
That’s a great list, right?!
You can break down that list into two parts:
- Being high value
- Communicating you are high value.
I have no doubt that all of the women reading this check most ‘being’ boxes but I feel a lot of you don’t check many of the ‘communicating’ boxes (which I would say are even more important than the former).
Communication High Value
You communicate your high value by:
- Sticking to your standards (not to be confused with expectations) – if he doesn’t meet your basic standards at the onset he’s not going to meet your standards later on. You cannot change him so there’s no point in giving it a shot.
- Not getting distracted by his potential – It’s great if you see his potential but there also needs to be a will to achieve that potential and if he hasn’t started making his way to achieve his potential then rest assured there is no will. You cannot change him.
- Accepting the red flags – He may check all your boxes but if there is a glaring red flag please GTFO. You cannot change him.
- Not putting him before yourself until he’s shown he’s capable and willing of the same – Too many women in Hong Kong put too much effort into situationships that are one sided.
- Not treating him like your boyfriend if he’s not treating you like his girlfriend – same as above.
- Speaking up when he’s crossed a line. Wishing it away or dropping hints do not work.
It’s easy to forget how to communicate your high value if you find yourself crushing badly on someone but it’s imperative because if you don’t show him, how will he know?
And if he knows but doesn’t care or tries to convince you he does (but his actions show otherwise), this guy isn’t worth your time or energy.
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