Advice from a Matchmaker: Understand your Past Dating Patterns
History tends to repeat itself but you have the power to intervene and change Fate if you’re not happy with how your past romantic relationships have panned out.
One step towards taking charge of your love life is understanding better the relationship you had with your parent (if you’re a woman, you would focus on your father and if you’re a man you would focus on your mother) and the four last or four most-important relationships to date.
You can use this Past Dating Patterns form to work it out — here it is for women and here it is for men. This worksheet was inspired by Meet Your Match Online and this Thought Catalog article by Kelly Joyce.
The first two rows are easy — write the positive and negative traits your mom/dad and your past four (or most-important four) boyfriends/girlfriends exhibit (e.g. kind, bossy, caring, demanding, etc).
Now circle the traits that are shared among two or more people . Write the positive ones in the third row and write the negative ones in the fourth row.
Rows five and six are the positive and negative traits that your relationship brought out in you. We react differently with different people. For example, with GF1 you may find you were really kind and understanding but with GF2 you were combative and difficult.
Row seven is where you write down the first word that comes to mind when you think of how that person makes you feel.
The second-to-last row is where you can write what positive traits you want to have in future relationships. You can write anything here but the important question to ask yourself, once you’ve jotted down what you wants, is how you are going to acquire those traits? Are you going to meditate so you’ll be more chill? Will you read about relationships so you’ll be a better listener? Are you going to date someone who doesn’t party as much as your previous girlfriends/boyfriends because you’re done with the nightlife? Nothing happens magically so being dedicated to self-development and understanding what you need in this stage of your life are key to successful & long-lasting relationships.
The last row is where you can write the positive traits you want your future boyfriend/girlfriend to have.
Now that you’ve recapped the most influential Significant Others in your life and understand what you want out of your future SO, you can see in black & white who has been a positive influence on your life and who has not. This will make it easier to decide who will be a good future SO and who should be shown the door.
Enjoying what you’re reading? Why not sign up for the free e-newsletter to get the Maitre D’ate latest. Sign up here.